Classical Convert

Connection Errors

Ben is in a bad mood. Perhaps this is because my supervisor is back from jaunts to places which are not lab, and is “looking forward” to “catching up” with us tomorrow. Or maybe it is due to the innumerable scraps of fabric, sequins, tufts of feather and other Halloween detritus littering my floor in indoor imitation of the fallen fall leaves. It might also be because of my 4am trot to the North campus bus station, and subsequent failure to fall back asleep for an hour or two.

I am trying to inspire pity. Is it working?

When I listen to music in a bad mood — as I have been while cleaning up the crafting scraps — it sounds like a recording. It is a bunch of notes, not music. Normally music patches itself into somewhere a bit behind my ears, it doesn’t have to go through all the run-of-the-mill channels that regular sounds do. It connects a little deeper, down by that reflex that makes you kick when your knee is hit with a hammer. But that connection can get broken when the rest of you isn’t feeling cheerful.

It’s a bit like when you have insomnia, and are horribly aware that you are lying around with your eyes shut. Normally, closing your eyes is a bit mysterious. It magically moves you somewhere which you aren’t in when your eyes are open. But when you can’t sleep it doesn’t work, instead of sticking you into limbo, all shutting your eyes does is make you are stare at the inside of your eyelids.

Fortunately, the days when you lose it are usually the unusual ones.