Classical Convert

Big Hands

Sorry dudes. I’ve been doing out of towning things this weekend, which places one at reasonably reasonable distances from “keyboards” and “internets” and other vital blogging artifacts. We did not manage to play the building, this time around, but did succeed in getting delicious gelato (via L’Arte Del Gelato), Thai (via Won Dee Siam II, which we went to accidentally), Italian (via Luzzo’s) and lots of chocolate brioches and croissants (via Silver Moon Bakery). We also did clothes shopping and had a picnic in central park. I drove back at 6:00am this morning and still managed to make it into work before my flatmate.

How have you been since I’ve been gone, dear reader?

One in-absentia type tidbit is the minor buzz over a certain youtubified comedy routine “Rachmaninov Had Big Hands“. It’s fairly amusing but only gets a puny text link here instead of glorious embedding because it appears that they in fact ripped off the following routine:

So, you know, you’re not allowed to find their remake funny anymore. That’s in the rules of teh internets.

Right, off to bed for me. I’m glad I don’t have to commute from NYC every day. I-80 is boring.

Tags: classical music, original, rachmaninov has big hands, youtube

An Effective Meme

via Musical Perceptions and Chandler Branch there is a list of alternative Mozart Effects doing the rounds. The original list contains tidbits such as:

LISZT EFFECT: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important.

MAHLER EFFECT: Child continually screams - at great length and volume that he’s dying.

And via comments and editing at musical perceptions we have in addition:

RZEWSKI EFFECT: the child tells the teacher that s/he is a victim of capitalist society in 36 different ways.

BACH EFFECT: Child weaves multiple sentences into an eloquent whole that takes ages to be properly understood.

So I am going to submit:

SHOSTAKOVICH EFFECT: Child appears to work diligently, but on careful examination you find his work mostly consists of disguised remarks about how much he hates you.

Anyone else fancy a go?

Tags: classical music, joke, mozart effect, shostakovich

So: a C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar…

I am so, so sorry:

A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, but we don’t serve minors.” So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished; the G is out flat.

An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me. I’ll just be a second.”

An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.

Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, “Get out now! You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”

The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says, “You’re looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development.” This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au natural.

Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides, however, that since he’s only had tenor so patrons, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest — and closes the bar.

In my defense I didn’t come up with this, I found it here - and the rest are all just as bad I’m afraid. Does anyone know any actually good, funny music jokes?